


Love is Blind

by ElmiDol



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aural Voyeurism, F/M, Fluff, Getting to know someone without seeing them, Masturbation, Senses other than sight, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-10-17 21:06:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10602231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol
Summary: After having been temporarily blinded due to an injury, you learned new skills. These you continued to hone after you had healed, and so you took to wearing blindfolds.Supreme Leader Snoke deemed these skills useful for the Knights of Ren, which led to your quarters changing to those beside Kylo Ren's. Slowly you came to understand him. And, in his own way, he came to know you as well.





	1. Temporary Annoyance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Avdal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avdal/gifts).



> This is one of the few fics I feel comfortable re-posting on this site at this time; as it was a request fic, I have been wanting to finish it.
> 
> I am going back and editing out some grammar/spelling errors so it may take me a little bit to re-upload.

Temporary Annoyance

In certain respects you were baffled that so many in life regarded sight as being the superior of all the five senses. Ironic, even; it _blinded_ them to a number of wonders. You had first discovered this for yourself when you had been temporarily blinded in battle. Darkness was your companion for weeks, during which time you were forced to adapt. Hearing. Touching. Tasting. Smelling. Each of these senses stirred up memories whilst also allowing new ones to be made.

The gift of temporary blindness also allowed you new methods to train. You were able to better isolate alterations in audio feed. This encouraged the First Order to reconsider your position, and you were reassigned to work in your newfound specialty. Within the first week, you identified three abnormalities. This proved to give the First Order an advantage over the Resistance in the skirmish two days later.

One downside to being blind was that it allowed you to know who your friends really were. The harsh reality that came with being better able to read body language and tones had left you feeling rather numb at the end of the day. Not to say that you weren’t grateful; you would rather know that the individuals were duplicitous ahead of time rather than continuing to fall for their schemes. Some accused you of being blinded by hate. You shot back that you had been blinded by love. It was funny, in a way, that both sides of that spectrum ultimately resulted in blindness.

Rebuking another claim that you were blinded by your emotions, you turned away from the individual you had previously been friends with and drowned yourself in your work. Their response, which you ignored, was that you were callous due to not being able to see how your words hurt others. They were wrong; but you would not fall into the trap of another argument. You could hear their body language, the way their breathing would alter. Could hear every inflection in their voice. You _did_ know that your words could sometimes harm others—and this did not bring you pleasure. Nor did it help that you could hear how much _they_ did not care for _your_ opinions and views. Unless you were praising them, they sounded bored. The First Order was filled with selfish individuals, and thus you found yourself with fewer friends. Two true friends, in fact.

These two you did not often have time to interact with in person due to working on separate portions of the _Finalizer_. The three of you had been transferred to the Super Star Destroyer at the same time after having served together on your previous post. Another reason you did not see them very often was due to the fact that you were frequently sent off-ship in order to aid in missions that benefited from your abilities.

Your conversation regarding love and hate aroused attention from your superiors, namely a single individual. This you learned when your living arrangements were altered. Your quarters were changed to the room close to the Commander’s. Many would have been nervous in your position; the mysterious, robed man drove fear into the hearts of most in the First Order. You did fear the man in some respects. Your annoyance, however, won out.

He was talking to _no one_ **again**. The man addressed the individual as grandfather, and yet there was no one else in the room with him. You could hear nothing. No breathing. No movements. Only your superior speaking of… You tilted your head to the side. Your annoyance dwindled as you listened more. He sounded almost…lonely. Lost. For a man who enjoyed the fear he aroused, Kylo Ren was not entirely pleased with his life.

_Curious,_ you thought, running your fingertips along the edge of the blindfold. You reached behind your head, unraveled the material, and placed the cloth upon a table. The room was pitch-black, which is what you preferred. You worked off your shirt, your pants; stripping on your way to the refresher. In here, too, you kept the lights off. You had the area memorized though you had not been there for very long. No stubbing your toes. No bumping into anything.

You used the spray of the water to drown out some of the other noise; focusing on each water droplet. It felt too invasive to listen in on Kylo Ren any longer. The man deserved his privacy, the same as anyone else.

Privacy…

That was one thing that had thrown you off during the first time you had been blinded. You could hear others masturbating. It had been more than a little awkward. You had felt too much like a voyeur. At that time, you turned to listening to music. Anything to drown out the other noises—in a way, that was one of the things that had helped you to hone your skills.

Kylo Ren… He did not seem to masturbate. The man simply spoke to his grandfather who was not there. Spoke to ghosts or perhaps himself. Searched for guidance, of which you could not fault him. In a way, it made you respect the man more. For someone to admit that they were lost, that they needed assistance despite their high position—you could not help but respect that…even if it did annoy you to have to listen in or else find a means to distract yourself.

You stretched your arms above your head, arced your back, and enjoyed the sensation of the hot spray hitting against your chest. This was one benefit to the new quarters that you would _never_ complain about; your own refresher. There were more times when you could take off your blindfold now than in the past. Others relied too much upon light in the room to move around. You used your other senses and memory, predominately the latter. The soaps and shampoos were of a higher quality than you were accustomed to using. The first time, you had nearly vomited due to the strength of the scents. You had then been allowed to select your own so that the aroma would not churn your stomach.

The scents that came from Kylo Ren’s quarters never bothered you. You could smell ashes, which initially you found bizarre. On the second day, you inquired about the ashes, addressing a different superior. She had leaned down, placing her mouth beside your ear, and explained where they came from.

Trusting that he had ended his conversation with his absent grandfather, you shut off the spray and listened for any sound that would come from Kylo Ren’s quarters. Quiet. Not complete silence; you could hear random shifting here and there. You considered the probability that he was meditating. He was more patient in that respect than most people you knew. He meditated often. In the two weeks since you had been moved to this room, you had learned that he frequently fell into a state of meditation. You would sense his presence, hear his breathing at times, and yet he was otherwise quiet.

You towel-dried your body and hair, dressed in loose clothing, and re-entered your room. The bed, though softer than the one in your previous quarters, was hard. It was different than the one you had had as a child. You splayed your body across it, stretching out your legs and arms so that your limbs touched near to each of the corners.

Listening to Kylo Ren meditate—hearing the quietude—was something you delighted in. Working on such a busy vessel, the peace that was offered by Kylo Ren’s lack of motion was almost surreal.

The moment he started to move, you became aware of the time. Shift change. You slipped your legs up underneath yourself and drew your hands down the length of the bed until they were positioned at a point you could lift yourself up. You knelt on the mattress, your head lolled back as you blindly stared up at the ceiling. Boot stomps from the other room. The telltale _swish_ of the door opening. Kylo Ren exited his quarters. His footsteps became less pronounced the farther he went away until at last an assortment of other noises took the place he had previously occupied. The strange clinking of metal that most would remain ignorant of.

You flipped onto your back at that point.

The previous day you had been handed your new assignment, the reasoning behind your move into these new quarters. Due to your specialty, Supreme Leader Snoke had deemed you fit to assist the Knights of Ren despite that they were, technically, a separate entity from the First Order. Their missions to obtain Sith and Jedi relics were often hampered by ancient technologies. Traps that, while they did not kill any of the Knights, proved to be nuisances. Some of them ultimately caused the destruction of the artifacts. Your presence, it was assumed, would assist in a prevention of setting off a number of these traps. You would be able to hear things that were missed by those who could see—even with the Force.

Sensing and hearing were, apparently, two _very_ different things.

Licking your lips, you considered for the umpteenth time the temperaments of the Knights you had never met. Would they be noisy? Their odors could potentially cause headaches or otherwise nausea. That was one reason you preferred to work aboard vessels rather than in the field. Scents interfered with your concentration.

You set the back of your hand to your forehead, feeling the warmth. The heat from the shower you had taken lingered; another would have suspected you were feverish.

When a handful of seconds had ticked by, you again lifted yourself from the bed. Your finger remained upon the edge of the mattress, dragging down the length until it met air. At this point, you tapped out a random beat whilst also clicking your tongue against your teeth. For the purpose of the missions, you had been provided with a mask to help you blend in with the Knights. You had tried it on the night before. There was a sort of blindfold where an opening for your eyes should have been. You would not require a cloth when wearing the mask, and yet a part of you wondered if it would be wise to still wear it—just in case, for any reason, you needed to remove the mask.

There was no need to make an immediate decision. There were three days more before you were intended to set out on the first mission with the Knights. Despite this, you had not held a conversation with the Master of the Knights of Ren. His presence, nonetheless, was familiar enough to have not required this.

The hum of his lightsaber, when he was angry and pacing his quarters, no longer caused you to flinch. Instead you would close your eyes. Listen more. A dangerous, chaotic weapon that somehow remained, for the time being, stable. It reminded you much of its owner. And you were thankful that he had moved you into the quarters beside his; fear of his weapon was now absent, no longer blinding you.

It seemed much could blind people—in a way that literal blindness never could. A lack of eyesight did not render one completely oblivious. _Willingly_ oblivious.

You decided it would be best to wear the blindfold despite the mask. It kept you comfortable, and you knew this would prevent you from awkwardly fumbling about as you worked with the Knights of Ren. In a way, you thought, it was similar to the manner in which Kylo Ren spoke with his absent grandfather.

Suddenly, the conversations he held did not annoy you at all; even if it meant you had to make a move to offer him privacy. A number of people had chastised you for wearing an unnecessary blindfold despite the way it helped you.

_He’s rather interesting, isn’t he?_ you thought to yourself, your mind conjuring up…not a picture of Kylo Ren, but the sound of him. The quietude. Meditation. His breathing.


	2. Nervous Knights

Nervous Knights

Underneath the helmet that had been given to you for your missions with the Knights of Ren, you did indeed wear your blindfold. The familiarity of it kept you levelheaded with all the new sounds and scents of the Knights whom you had not previously met. Another factor that kept you grounded was the presence of Kylo Ren. His voice remained level on the occasions he addressed the Knights. Otherwise it was his breathing you listened for; allowing this to drown out all other sounds. Having a clear mind was imperative for you to successfully complete your role in the mission.

You allowed your head to loll back. The small buzzing of the electronics in the shuttle you were presently aboard aided in further relaxing you. Not the Limo as you had formerly expected. This shuttle was nothing so fancy, though you had not been told why. As for its appearance, this you could not describe. Its sounds and atmosphere, on the other hand, you could explain in full detail. The feel of the seats—the walls were a cold metal. Less padding than some other transport ships you had been a passenger of. You placed both of your palms flat on the surface behind you. The coolness met your flesh solely because the gloves you had been instructed to wear during the mission were on your lap.

Light _ticks_ pulsating through the shuttle into your flesh. You felt the vibrations better than most. And yet… How well did Kylo Ren feel them? With the Force, it was likely a different sensation, and yet somehow similar as well. It caused you to marvel over the fact that you were needed at all.

Perhaps the Force blinded people as well…

Kylo Ren shifted into the empty seat that was next to you, and you tilted your head to the side. Level breathing. Calm. His muscles were not tensed. He was not fidgeting either, as he had been when the Knights had first been boarding the shuttle. That had indicated agitation, which you attributed to the fact that he had spoken with General Hux shortly beforehand. Now he sounded similar to when he meditated. Quiet. Your shoulders rose and fell in as you released a deep breath.

“You should replace your gloves—be prepared at all times.”

His mini-lecture was something you decided to heed. You withdrew your hands from behind your back and worked the gloves back over your fingers. You wiggled the digits. A sound from beside you, a small shift in the man’s position. You could feel him looking down at your hands. A wry grin grew on your lips; it made you more confident to be yourself, having your entire face hidden in this manner.

“You do not enjoy such…confines.” A thoughtful hum. “It takes away another of your senses…one that you actually utilize.”

“So perceptive, sir,” you said softly. You kept your voice low, more because you did not want to feel other eyes on you. It caused the hair on the back of your neck to stand on end when too many people watched you.

A light chuckle from the man. It was deep, a sound you hardly heard from him. Your grin softened in nature. “In this case, you will appreciate that those gloves are intended to protect that sense.” You wiggled your fingers once more prior to setting your hands in your lap. Again did you tilt your head to the side, this time to listen to another of the Knights moving closer to the pilot. “Do not concern yourself with his movements. He enjoys watching out the windshield. It’s a…pleasant view.”

“Mm. Yes,” you said, bobbing your head. Again did your grin alter, this time lengthening. “I am not fully blind… And…even if I were, I was not born that way. I enjoy looking at the stars from time to time.”

“As do I.” This admission brought you some semblance of comfort. Through your observations of the man, living in the room beside his, you had already learned that he was human. That he could be so normal despite his high rank, that he readily admitted to such things, raised the level of respect you had for him. “The universe is larger than many take the time to fully realize.”

“It really is,” you replied. You slumped your shoulders, slouching in your seat. From what you had been told, the journey would last another three quarters of an hour.

In the past, those you worked beside tended to fill the journey with idle chitchat; some of which you enjoyed, whereas other occurrences proved to only distract or annoy you. With the Knights of Ren, there was a comfortable silence that was interrupted only on occasion. The mask you wore already filtered out an assortment of odors and sounds, and this quietude allowed you time to adjust to the alteration in your capabilities. Safety measures sometimes had the nasty habit of also hindering individuals such as yourself. A double-edged blade, in a way. And, like you, the Knights were growing accustomed to something new—it was best that they viewed you as a welcome extension so that they did not accidentally murder or maim you during the mission.

You wondered if Kylo Ren lingered so close to you as a means to assist in this submersion. You felt said man observing you again. His breathing filtered through that mask he wore—you only partly recalled its appearance. Your finger twitched. Ah, but touching it to better acquaint yourself with the man’s armor would prove to be…odd? Unwelcome, certainly. You had a sense that he would not view such an action as bizarre given his understanding of you.

_He has grown used to my presence as well… Comfortable… Why else would he speak with his absent grandfather, knowing I can hear?_

A tingling warmth of pride swelled in your chest at the thought. You had never quite bonded with anyone in this manner before. It was intimate in a way you that had previously been foreign to you.

And you were no stranger to sex. Nor to masturbation, or overhearing others…

“Do you ever…” You trailed off, having caught yourself before the question could properly slip out. His breathing had quieted, as though he were attempting to better hear you. The heat in your chest rose, spreading towards your covered countenance.

His foot shifted; this you knew by the way the sole of his boot rubbed against the floor of the shuttle. Kylo Ren returned to breathing at a normal volume. He was not expecting you to continue—and yet he had not angled away from you in the least. Two of the Knights of Ren, likewise, had devoted their attentions to you. One of them grunted, leaning backwards judging by the sound their back meeting the seat they occupied.

“Are you afraid?” The voice was unfamiliar to you, which meant that one of the Knights was speaking. The one who was still observing you from a corner near the ramp doors. You opted to offer a nonverbal answer and shrugged. Noncommittal in a way, however it was the truth. You were unsure if you were afraid or not. It depended upon what he meant.

You were not afraid of the Knights given that they were your allies. Their power and abilities, unknown to you at present, did not cause you to quiver either. It intrigued you, piquing your curiosity. Had you been their enemy; in that case, yes, you would have been frightened. As for the mission, you did not quite fear that either. You somewhat worried that things would go awry, yet you had decided to wait until you landed on the planet to truly debate how afraid you might become.

“Do you trust others easily?”

“Not anymore,” you said, allowing the individual to know that there was a time you had, indeed, been too trusting. A soft intake of breath; your honesty had been unexpected. Beside you, Kylo Ren released a light chuckle. It was still deep, however more kind than any previous laughter you had heard from him. He appeared to appreciate how genuine you could be. You turned your head his way though you could not see him through either the blindfold or mask. “It’s important that we grow from our mistakes, I should like to think.”

“Yes,” he readily replied. “A repetition of the same mistake, however, is tragic.”

You snorted. “To think my life was tragic then.”

“Oh?” You hummed. “How many betrayals did you face at once?”

The hair on the back of your neck was standing on end. Eyes on you. Too much attention. It forced you to inhale, hold your breath, and slowly exhale. The Knights of Ren were all patient. You wondered if they took the pause to mean you were afraid or thinking up a lie. In actuality, you were attempting to count the betrayals up in your head. At last you clucked your tongue on the roof of your mouth then released a dissatisfied noise. One of the Knights offered a pitying groan. She had understood quite well.

“People are naturally selfish is all.”

“Greed is the undoing of many.” You gestured with your hand towards the Knight who had spoken; he was still near the shuttle’s pilot and likely staring out the windshield. The word _exactly_ left your lips in unison with the motion.

One of the Knights who had yet to speak took the seat on your other side. You felt slightly sandwiched between them and Kylo Ren, however you kept quiet in regards to this. It would be useful; who knew how close a proximity you would be required to keep while on a mission? Familiarizing yourself with this other’s presence could be useful. You focused on the person at your side. Breathing. Their respirations were shallower than Kylo Ren’s, or at least sounded as such to you. The helmet you wore distorted things in a way you were still growing accustomed to.

This Knight was human; you deduced this by the various noises their body released. Your tongue flicked out of your mouth to trace along your lips, wetting them.

_It feels as though they’re all human…_

You did not ask if this were so, nor state your assumption aloud. It was unnecessary and, quite frankly, held no impact on how you would treat any of them. You were there as their support. Boundaries had, though unspoken, been aroused. Some viewed you as someone lesser; this did not matter, it was nothing new. Others executed actions that showed quite clearly they valued you. To what extent, you were uncertain. Again, though, this was of no real concern.

Three of the Knights murmured away from you. If you had so desired, you could have focused on them completely and heard all of what was discussed. Yet one of those unspoken boundaries was respect. And thus you respected their privacy and glued your attention to Kylo Ren. It was a natural switch for you. The man straightened in his seat. He _knew_ that he was the center of your attention.

 _Such a curious thing, this Force._ It was something you would never understand no matter which senses were taken away or available. You had heard of others tinkering with the ideas behind Force sensitivity. Due to it being in all living beings, some could manipulate it in infantile manners if they worked hard enough at it. A waste of time and energy, if anyone asked you. Those in possession of true Force sensitivity would easily defeat or else bat away the others as annoyances.

In small ways, you could feel the Force when you took away your sense of sight. There was a sort of power that emanated from Kylo Ren. Something more than simply his breathing alerted you to his presence. Nothing cruel. Nor innocent. It was difficult to describe; it was simply _there_. A part of him as much as his heartbeat.

You trailed one of your gloved fingers along the back of your other hand. “How dangerous is this mission?” you asked at long last. All around you, subtle shifts of each Knight. They had been _waiting_ of you to inquire about this exact thing. You held in a snort. Typical. Warriors viewing the help as scared little children. You at last decided that you were _not_ afraid at all.

“You will remain by my side,” Kylo Ren replied. “For you, there should be no danger.”

Coming from anyone else, you would have viewed this statement as arrogant. Especially given that his level tone bespoke of the genuine belief he held in his own words. And yet his posture had changed in the slightest. His head dipping a fraction of an inch as though he were gesturing to his other Knights. He trusted them. There would be no danger for you because Kylo Ren entrusted multiple tasks to his Knights. His focus would be on you, and there were others to support him. It was much like the shuttle you were a passenger of; each component completing its part to accomplish the great task of hyperspace travel.

You raised a single hand, wiggling all your fingers to bring attention to the glove you wore. “Heat resistant?”

“Yes.” You hummed in response to Kylo Ren’s reply. Hot surfaces… You could deal with that. When you had been a child, you had touched the surface of a heated stovetop. Thankfully, you had suffered only mild burns, your mother having snatched the limb off the heat and shoved it into ice-cold water. “To prevent the heat from causing excess nausea, a small portion will be given prior to exiting the shuttle. We will eat a full meal once we return.”

Something to hold you over until you returned to the ship, you thought. It was a wise move.

“Nothing dairy,” you mused. A snort from one of the Knights whilst another muttered _Of course not_ as though you had suggested otherwise. Whenever you spoke, the Knights became more at ease. They were _nervous_ with you around. _Why is that?_ you wondered. Perhaps they were not accustomed to _protecting_ people. Or, maybe, they had too many secrets they tried to keep hidden. Secrets that you would not be blind to.


	3. Shadowed Figures

Shadowed Figures

Prior to disembarking, you ate a few meager bites of the food that had been passed around. One of the Knights picked up your leftovers, and you could hear munching as the remainders were consumed. You did what you could to linger closest to Kylo Ren as per his orders. He allowed several of the other Knights to exit the shuttle first, and then you found yourself walking down the ramp behind him. His legs were long; you shuffled forward to keep up with him until he appeared to realize that you were slower than him. Ren adjusted his pace. At this, you hummed in acknowledgement, not exactly thanking him but still letting him know that you approved.

The humidity had hit you the moment the ramp had been lowered. The air was heavier here than what you were accustomed. This, naturally, made breathing more laborious, although you knew that the mask you wore was aiding in some manner. You fanned yourself despite knowing it would have no effect.

Kylo Ren’s feet met the dirt ground seconds before yours did. It was better than mud, you thought. That would cause you to stick too much and be a distraction. “Do you remember your mission?”

“Listen out for those creatures.” Two creatures, to be exact. One was an insect judging by its sound, and the other you had been informed was a mammal. That one had a horrible odor it was said, as well as its own growl. These noises had previously been recorded, and you had been made to listen to those audios when the shuttle neared the planet. “And any traps,” you continued when you heard the telltale signs that someone was opening their mouth to add onto what you had said. Said mouth closed without a word slipping out.

The Master of the Knights of Ren grunted in response. You once more walked behind him as the Knights headed in the direction of ruins. Or at least that was what you had been told were there. The specifics had not been divulged—Jedi or Sith? Ultimately, it hardly mattered. That part was not in your job description. What did matter was this humidity. The clothing you had been given was said to adjust to various climates, however that did nothing for your lungs. They should have trained you better for this.

Leather on metal had an interesting sound that most did not catch. You, however, tilted your head at that noise. The Knights were each adjusting their grips on their respective weapons. Each readying themselves for any fight that could potentially arise. You transferred your attention to the next prominent thing. Odors. A citrus smell filtered past your mask. It grew stronger the further you walked, and you quickly identified the fruit to which it belonged. Perhaps the mammals would attempt to mask their own odors with the fruits.

 _I would rather not be eaten,_ you thought whilst picking up your pace to further close the distance between Kylo Ren and you. A soft chuckle almost anyone else would have missed issued from the man. He unclipped his lightsaber from his belt, prompting you to hum in the negative. Despite this, he kept the weapon in his hand. The leather of his glove stretched and released a noise as he tightened his grip on it.

For some reason, this caused you to wiggle your fingers. The gloves were _too_ new, coupled with the fact that you had been allowed to forgo wearing any despite it being part of regulation uniform.

The more you walked, the more you grew accustomed to the humidity. That hardly helped matters though; the air was still heavy to breathe. You were simply less out of breath. The Knights, too, were adjusting to the atmosphere. A couple of them, Commander Ren included, had hardly been impacted. You assumed their training had included such environments, or else they had been born on such places. The planet you had called home for the longest time had had moderate weather. No extreme heat nor cold. When you had been stationed on Starkiller for part of your initial training, you had sorted through the excitement and wonderment of snow, and the threat of hypothermia.

This extreme humidity was something you had not experienced in the past. You hardly knew which was worse. The uniforms did seem to protect from the cold better, you conceded. Stripping naked here was not an option.

The ground beneath your feet took on a new texture. Moss. It squished underneath the boots you wore, making small squelching noises. Its scent mingled with the citrus, though the latter won out. A buzzing. You gestured to the left, and Kylo Ren activated his lightsaber. A sizzling coupled with a _fzzt_ indicated he had caught the insect. It was, from what you had been told, able to camouflage. Its bite induced drowsiness, and the Knights as well as Kylo Ren were unable to sense them. You were happy to be of use. While the insects posed no mortal threat the Knights, the drowsiness would hinder them should they also face the mammals.

When your group arrived at the ruins, you had yet to smell or hear the mammals. You wondered if they were nocturnal. Asking this question aloud, you were informed that not enough information had been gathered to know for certain. The ruins, however, were often being looted by smugglers and other Outer Rim travelers who were then selling the items to the highest bidder on the Black Market.

“Are you looking for anything specific?”

“We are to see if anything of importance is left,” a female Knight chimed. You slumped your shoulders at that. The prospect that this mission would be all for naught was something of a disappointment for you. “We’re viewing it as training if nothing else.” You decided to do the same.

Entering the ruins provided you with a rush of cool air the deeper into them you traveled. It also allowed for a new assortment of sounds to greet you. Your mind wandered to Starkiller Base once more. You rather enjoyed the change. The scent of citrus dwindled, replaced by a sort of staleness. This was followed by a stronger odor. You groaned.

“They are nesting here then,” one of the male Knights said, chuckling at your reaction.

“Interesting…” It was all you needed to hear from Kylo Ren to know for certain that he was unable to sense them through the Force. Did that have to do with the fact that they were not readying to attack? Were the creatures asleep?

The Knights shifted position so that you were encircled. You felt your shoulders brush against those beside you. Each was ensuring that you were not attacked. One benefit to being the lookout on this mission. You reached up a hand, nudging the Knight who was diagonally right from you to further angle them. They stepped over the gap in the floor that the Knight before them had almost stepped into. Pushing or else tugging on each individual when they failed to sense the minor alterations in the floor that you knew of based on sound, you continued to shift in order to keep yourself centered.

The unpleasant odor increased. You stopped short in your next step. A low growl—was it loud enough for Knights to hear? “Where?” The question was answer enough. You whispered out a response, offering the direction from which the growl had sounded. Two of the Knights of Ren pointed their weapons that way, and a louder snarl issued from the unseen beast. Kylo Ren again activated his lightsaber. You imagined the plasma blade was illuminating the surrounding area. The Knights all around you adjusted their posture. Weapons shifting. Metal. Their armor and boots. All of these sounds echoed off the walls of the ruins, however they failed to drown out the multiple growls that were coming from a variety of directions now. “How many?”

You did not answer immediately, opting to listen for a second longer in order to give a more accurate response. “I can hear six—five growling. The other is pacing.”

“We can only see two,” a Knight said. You dipped your chin in a quick nod. Lifting a hand, you pointed in the direction of each of the creatures.

Three of the Knights pressed against the ground with their feet. They were about to lunge, you noted a half-second before they did so. The creatures likewise lurched forward in attack. Kylo Ren shifted closer to you. The hum of his lightsaber grew louder. His chest bumped against your back. You pressed up against him, all the while listening to the snarls of the creatures that were attacking the Knights. Two of the mammals were swiping their claws at one Knight, who caught a paw on the edge of his weapon.

“Another one…there is a staircase a few feet up. It’s climbing them.” It was surprising to you that you were only a little nervous. Being so near to the Master of the Knights of Ren had a calming effect on you.

Which is why your heart rate drastically increased when he shifted away to cut through the creature that had mounted the steps. One of the other Knights stepped behind you in Kylo’s absence. “They smell worse when dead, no?”

“…yeah…” you grumbled, reaching a hand back to grab hold of the Knight’s arm. “Don’t let me slip in the blood.”

“You can hop on my back.” It was…surprisingly tempting. You bobbed your head from side to side as you considered the offer—was it even genuine? His tone suggested that he was open to the idea. A familiar, metallic sound. His weapon of choice was a blaster. You being on his back would not hinder him. You allowed him to shift in front of you then placed your hands on his shoulders and hoisted yourself up. “Just tell me where to aim.”

“Oddest job I’ve ever had,” you said, pointing whilst also giving a verbal response. There were a handful of entrances into the hallway your group was in. Every one of those entrances had more of the creatures swarming.

\-----

The mission was somewhat successful. It appeared that scrolls had been overlooked by the previous looters of the ruins. What beings had come close to securing them—their remains had been scattered along the floor. The odor of the mammals had been overwhelming in that room. Their primary nest in the ruins. Now it was a graveyard; Kylo Ren had seen to that. The creatures had joined their former victims on the floor. The Knight whose back you had been situated on had been content to carry you for the remainder of the mission. On the way back, a hive of the insects had been destroyed.

You sat in your seat aboard the shuttle, the scrolls in your lap. Given that the Knights had needed their hands empty or else occupied only by their weapons, you had wordlessly been elected as scroll holder.

“Not hungry,” you said when you were offered food. Your hands cupped the scrolls, piling them into a neater arrangement. The various smells of the day had taken away your appetite.

Kylo Ren spoke next. “I expect you to eat when we return to the _Finalizer_.” You nodded, not bothering with a verbal response this time.

You soon set aside the scrolls when one of the Knights provided a container in which to place them. With no other responsibilities, you curled up on one of the seats and allowed yourself to fall asleep. As usual, your dreams consisted more of sounds and smells than of sights. Impressions that you were more used to. Still, your mind did display images you saw when you were not wearing your blindfold. The shadows of your quarters including your refresher. In your dream, you reached for the water nozzle and adjusted the spray. You were doing what you could to drown out the conversation Kylo Ren was holding with his absent grandfather. That soon altered.

The hum of his lightsaber. The smells of the mammals he had killed, coupled with the buzzing of the insects from the planet. The odor was strong. Such a _stench_. There must have been hundreds of the mammals in the other room; that logic was flawed, though your dream self did not realize it at the time. You listened to the way the man cut down each creature. Imagined what his muscles must have looked like. Flexing. Contracting. A shadowed back arching. Muscles rippling.

How did he look?

You knew the sound of his body, the small noises that he made. A twirl, cutting down several creatures in a single swoop.

It felt as though the world around you was spinning. Your eyes snapped open. Darkness. Your chest rose and fell, the noises of the waking world drowning out the remnants of your dream. You were boarding the _Finalizer_


	4. Sweet Tang

Sweet Tang

In the following three weeks, you found yourself a part of two more missions with the Knights of Ren. The one who smelled like fresh cut grass mixed with mint acted as though he did not care for you when in a group setting; yet his lips would curl upwards in a smile whenever you spoke. You found yourself able to hear so many of his micro-expressions, the subtle movements of his muscles. And that strange sense, one you could not put into words, as though reaching out towards you with a force that connected all living beings. The Force. You were becoming aware that each of the Knights, in their own way, was capable of sensing or manipulating the Force. None as well as their Master, of course.

Said man was quietly meditating in his quarters as the Knight who pretended to hate you exited yours. You trailed a finger along the edge of the box he had given you. Candies. Apparently you reminded him of a young girl he had known when he had been a child. She had been fond of the sweets. This you appreciated; not so much the way he had patted your head.

You had previously removed your helmet and blindfold. It was interesting, to you, the way his shadow played in the darkness of the room. You wondered if he had made out any of your features. If he had, the Knight had failed to comment on them.

You raised a hand to your head, touching the spot he had patted. In the other room, Kylo Ren began to speak quietly. You started to tune him out, accustomed to his conversations with his non-present grandfather…and then you heard it. Your name slipped from his mouth. This prompted you to cock your head to the side. When he repeated your name, you lowered your hand to your lap and responded in kind, saying his name loud enough that he would hear you—or perhaps sense that you were listening.

“How do the shadows appear to you?”

You smiled, curious how it was that you knew exactly what he meant. “They aren’t…exactly dark. People think shadows can be so dark, but it isn’t that. To me, they look so…warm. Also like a box. A container housing all the parts. I hear everything, and then it’s a shape to which it all belongs.” You clucked your tongue against the roof of your mouth. “How does it _feel_ to you?”

“As you have described.” You hummed, and wondered to yourself why it was he still wore that helmet of his. His voice was different whenever he wore it; a little less human, and yet there was always something so vulnerable to your ear—not that you would ever say this aloud. Because there existed something quite menacing as well.

Sometimes you found yourself wondering how he viewed the world around him. You knew that he used the Force to sense things—did that alter one’s vision at all? Did he rely upon it more than he did his sense of sight?

Questions you would never ask aloud. Even if you did, you doubted you could ever truly understand the answer. It could be explained to you until the man was out of breath, and still you would never fully be able to appreciate it.

The soles of his boots met the ground with thuds that were rather moderate in sound compared with the normal heaviness he walked with. It contrasted the silence that had fallen following the final portion of your mini conversation with him, and so you found yourself sitting up rather straight. You directed your eyes to the door of your quarters in unison with the moment the telltale sounds of his door opening filtered into your ears. Three footfalls, and he was at your door.

Kylo Ren did not knock, and you did not say anything. The door remained closed. Though he knew the code to your quarters, despite having access to your rooms, he did not intrude without permission.

You ran your tongue along your lips, which felt rather dry and chapped for some odd reason. Your fingers traced along the edges of the box of candies. “Yes,” you said, and the door at last opened. You had closed your eyes as the barrier that had separated the two of you had started to move. Still, you could see a redness through your eyelids. Too bright. Kylo Ren did not dally, and the darkness in your quarters returned.

Aside from the Knights of Ren, you could count on your hand the individuals with whom you had had contact with these last few weeks—perhaps even for the last couple of months. The Knight who had previously left had been your first visitor in some time. Having a second so soon had your heart racing in your chest. You reopened your eyes in time to see that subtle movement within the darkness. The candy within the box audibly shifted as you tensed, your arms jerking enough to rattle the object in your hands.

“Is it truly so intimate compared with our closer proximity when we are in the various ruins?” When he put it like that, you found yourself unsure how to feel. You lowered your eyes to the floor. His footfalls continued to echo in the room. “I am not aiming to deceive you.”

“I know. I feel so naked without my blindfold.”

“With everyone?” You nodded, though you were unsure if he could see your response or not. “I have killed for you.” It was a strange truth; this man had protected you on the missions by cutting through creatures, aliens, and humans as well. A few droids… The hiss of his helmet’s release caused your breath to hitch. The man was exposing himself, just as you were exposed. The metal hit the floor with a rather loud _thump_. “How does it make you feel—your heartbeat constantly matching mine?”

This was true as well. When his heart rate picked up, you would feel your own matching it; panic or excitement. The times he calmed, you soon found yourself calmed.

“My own Knights do not know me so deeply.” His words and tone lacked anger, as did his heartbeat. For you, the very idea of someone knowing you that deeply was terrifying; after learning the true natures of people you had previously considered to be your friends… To allow anyone else to get close to you was something that you were hesitant to endure. Not that the Knights of Ren, their Master included, weren’t familiar with you. Perhaps in ways that no one else had been as well.

You lifted a hand in the darkness, while with the other you continued to hold onto the box. A gift. The gesture was small in numerous respects, and yet ultimately larger than you could properly put into words. Kylo Ren removing his helmet for you was much the same. He had, after all, entered _your_ quarters, and the Force user seemed keen on being respectful. _Odd,_ you thought given that _he_ was _your_ superior.

The darkness before you shifted, the man lowering himself onto one knee. You felt the leather of his glove on your proffered hand. Then breath. He placed the tips of your fingers to his lips yet made no further move. It was all you needed though. You accepted his invitation, dancing your fingers along the flesh of his face to properly explore that countenance you so often imagined. The face you sometimes dreamed of. The texture was much as you had anticipated. Smooth. Human.

His nose was rather prominent, and his lips were plenty full. The tops of your fingers hit along his nostrils, feeling the air escaping him. Then breath hit the palm of your hand; laughter that was almost too quiet to hear. Your sensitive ears, however, caught the sound, and you smiled in response to his amusement.

“Your voice is a little softer when you don’t wear the mask.” This garnered no reply, but you had hardly expected one and so were not disappointed. You traced your thumb around his eyes then reached for his cheek. His right ear—soft hair tickled your flesh. Your hand stilled, and your throat bobbed a little as you noisily swallowed the saliva that had gathered in your mouth. Why was it that he felt familiar to you when never before had you touched him?

You replaced your hand on the box along with its twin. Trembling with a shudder, you clenched your jaw and waited. You did not wish to be rude, to ask him to leave. And yet suddenly you were indeed afraid. His voice was running through your mind, memories of conversations he had held with an absent grandfather. His moments of weakness that were, in a way, so human in nature and not swallowed down with shame—they were, ironically, a display of strength to you. Of genuineness.

In the past, those you had trusted had been kind to your face and cruel behind closed doors. With this man—he was stern, fulfilling all that his role entailed. Then placed behind a closed door, he sought guidance. There was a sense of humility to him that outright baffled you. He was the opposite of those you had come to hate, to those who had caused you to dislike socialization in general.

And the familiarity of his face merely made you wish to touch him more. To see if that rang true in all aspects. The fear of rejection had blood pulsing loudly in your ears.

Kylo Ren stood, the more solid darkness that was his body rising before you. The power you always found palpable pressed tightly against you, namely on your legs and arms. Binding you so that you could not launch yourself out of the chair in which you sat and flee. You were thankful for this rather than disturbed. It was not that he was controlling your reactions so much as keeping you from doing anything drastic—anything stupid. In your mind’s eye, you recounted the feel of his lips and imagined them twisting upwards on one side into a smirk.

“You hardly panic on missions,” your superior mused. “Do you need me to leave?”

You shook your head. “No…not yet. Just…keep holding me like this.” It sounded strange even to your own ears. Too intimate in a way. Suggesting that he had you in some sort of embrace, though this had not been your intent. You cleared your throat, ready to remedy your words, when you heard him chuckle. A brief noise that was coupled with the shifting of material as he adjusted his posture once more. “It’s not exactly ‘controlling’—I don’t know what to call it.”

“It is difficult to find a proper alternative,” he conceded. The pressure on your limbs lessened though they did not disappear entirely. 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you mulled over the thoughts that were running through your head. To voice them or not? You at last settled on the former. “Sometimes we fall in love with the idea of something after seeing it. You have a visual, and all other aspects of it you make up in your head. Then you’re disappointed when it doesn’t live up to your expectations… You annoyed me when I was first moved into these quarters.”

“You did not know how to react.”

“Well… I suppose that’s most accurate.”

“There is nothing wrong with being annoyed. It is how you handle yourself.”

For the umpteenth time, your thumbs traced along the edges of the box. This time you pushed upwards, raising the lid. You then inhaled deeply. The candies had a pleasant aroma that caused your mouth to water. The wetness that tinted Kylo Ren’s grunt told you that it had had a similar effect on him. You offered one of the sweets with a quick, verbalized question, and he accepted. Rather than take the candy out for himself, however, the first one he plucked and unwrapped he set against your lips. You parted them, allowing him to slide the bumpy surface of the candy into your mouth and across your tongue. The leather of his glove teased along the edges of your lips, however you did not get the chance to taste that tangy flavor—the man withdrew after relinquishing the candy to your orifice. The second piece he did take for himself.

You manipulated the candy around your mouth with your tongue, pressing it against one cheek and then the other. It did not dawn on you that you were mimicking his actions until you could hear the man slurp around the candy, a purposeful, teasing sound he released to, you guessed, see your reaction. Your breath came out labored as your jaw dropped. Candy-thickened saliva slipped past the corner of your mouth and trailed along your chin. The leather of his thumb met you once more, swiping up that wetness and then forcing it back into your mouth. You sealed your lips around the leather, relishing in the contrast of the tang with the sweet that had already been in your mouth.

“You have always handled yourself perfectly,” Kylo Ren said, and here he withdrew his thumb and the pressure from your limbs. The man stooped long enough to retrieve his helmet, which he replaced on his head simultaneous to moving towards the door. “I will be consulting with Supreme Leader shortly—you will learn the details of our next mission before the day is over.”

“Yes, Commander,” you managed, the candy tucked into one cheek so that you could enjoy the remnant tang of leather on the tip of your tongue for a moment longer.


	5. Window to the Soul

Window to the Soul

The latest mission had left you rather invigorated as opposed to the normal state of exhaustion you tended to find yourself in. Unfortunately for you, the hour was late and so you had been ordered to your quarters following a quick trip to the cafeteria. You sat on your bed, cross-legged though your legs were bouncing a bit. In too many respects you were hyper-aware. The small _clicks_ and _ticks_ of the ship entered your aural cavity. You sighed or else swore upon hearing a number of them. There was no way you would be able to fall asleep.

The bouncing of your legs paused. You tilted back your head, your tongue tasting the air before caressing your lips. The sound of fastenings being undone—he was stripping. You had assumed, what with his calm breathing and how still he had been, that he had been asleep.

From the quarters that were next to yours, you could hear Kylo Ren moving. The sound of leather hitting the floor. It was different than his robes. A louder _slap_ as opposed to a _fwoo_ , if you had to give anything a sound effect. Before he made another move—the mattress released only a light squeak of protest at his shifting—you felt him reaching towards you with the Force. A light caress on your flesh that you would have previously dismissed as being a light breeze. Your time with him, with the Knights, taught you better. A whisper of your name from him; quiet enough so that only your sensitive ears could pick up the sound.

“Ren,” you said in return. You closed your eyes, not that this was necessary in the darkness. It made the caress of the Force all the more intimate. He was using your presence to guide his movements. The sound of flesh touching flesh—his sharp intake of breath informing you exactly where he was touching.

You set two fingers to your lips as you recalled the taste of his glove mingled with the candy that had been gifted to you. His fingers were long, you recalled. They had felt impossibly long, and thick as well. Two of your own would do, you decided, and thrust them past your lips. It was not quite the same; the flavor was different. In a way, far more familiar and thus less exotic.

The click-pop of a bottle being uncapped followed by the squelching sound of fingers coating themselves in lubricant. Your tongue danced along your digits, wetting them as well. The moment you heard him grip himself with that wet hand, the very second you could hear how fast he was fucking into his hand, you dropped your own hand and shoved it into your panties. You placed the tips of your fingers on your clitoris, rocking twice then drawing three quick circles. The Force pressed at your thighs, nudged at your spine directly between your shoulder blades.

“I’m alive,” you gasped out, biting down on your bottom lip the next moment.

Kylo Ren, his breathing uneven, responded—he had been listening for you, waiting: “I would not allow you to die.”

Therein was the reason you were too awake to sleep; it was the closest to death you had come. You felt far too alive to sleep, to waste away the hours you had left to live. The hum of his lightsaber had cut through the sound of the first blast. A strange buzzing that had been preceded by the firing of another shot. The hum was suspended, heat near your face. He had stopped the blast midair. Kylo Ren had then crossed behind you, his arm shooting out in front of you to adjust your position. The blaster bolt continued on its path, missing you entirely. This had occurred on your trip back to the shuttle, which explained the fact that you had been unable to wind down.

You skimmed your fingers down further, pressing them at your entrance. You were growing wet. In the other room, the mattress squeaked. His grunts and groans were restrained; loud enough for your ears alone. The _mm_ and _gnn_ punctuated by animalistic growls all fit so nicely with the rutting you could hear coming from his quarters. The wet smacking of a lube-covered hand working his erection. A squelch when he twisted his wrist, teasing the head of his cock.

He had nearly lost you on this last mission, and the euphoric sensation that was traveling through him was palpable. It was not pure arousal on his part; it was deeper. The man choked down sentiment as often as possible, and so you understood these actions to hold a deeper meaning than purely sex. He was ecstatic. Pleased. It was intimate, of course, and not debasing as it may have been from another.

This was about baring himself to you. Allowing you the chance to hear him in an act so personal—you had never heard him masturbate before, and you well understood the reasoning behind this. The throes of passion could blind many. Or, as with numerous other Force users, increase one’s power.

You knew this man as few others did or could; on that same front, he knew you—and reached for you with the Force again. It touched the side of your face, that power. What did it feel like for him?

Your own touch was something you presently felt as a sort of background action. Your fingers were stroking up inside of you, rubbing against your inner walls, and on occasion you dragged your juices to your clit. You caressed the swollen nub, working it faster when Kylo Ren’s hand, too, picked up pace. Your breathing muffled his actions, the pulsing of blood in your ears as you came threatening to drown out his groans when he ejaculated—yet you heard it all.

The pair of you remained in your respective quarters, both of you panting. You rested your elbows on your knees, your mouth open as you attempted to catch your breath. Kylo Ren did not stir from his spot. He was still lying there on his bed. The squeaking mattress had fallen rather quiet. Eventually you allowed yourself to lay back as well. You could not say for certain which of you fell asleep first.

An eye exam the following day was, for you, more invasive than the sounds of others masturbating when you had been in your old quarters. Here you were forced to bare yourself in a way that made you feel far more exposed than mere nakedness. The eyes were the windows to the soul, some said. You favored the portion of the exam where the lights were shut off. Dimming them had hardly been enough. With the darkness, however, you felt yourself relaxing—only to straighten, on edge once more as the light of the examination board flickered on.

“Hmm.” You frowned at the sound of the physician’s disapproving noises. They all somehow expected you to take perfect care of both your vision and other talents. Nevermind that the body was naturally sensitive, that eyesight was equally so—you were not good enough in this man’s opinion.

It was another reason you much preferred the Knights of Ren; they saw the larger picture. One’s talents were nurtured, strengths improved upon so that weaknesses could be compensated for. The loss of one’s vision was an everyday threat. Why, then, should you mourn a _slight_ decrease in your own ability to see?

“Now cover the left.” You obeyed, shielding the aforementioned eye so as to resume the test.

 _I can learn to adjust to the light just fine,_ you thought bitterly. It brought to mind the sounds of Kylo Ren. He was neither dark nor light from what you had been told. A mixture of both, which explained his uncertainties to a degree. _I wonder if he’s completing a physical examination._

“I want you to have the lights on for the next few days.” You scowled, your lips curling and threatening to form an outright snarl. “Remain in your own quarters if you wish. Should I arrange for food to be brought to you?”

“Yes,” you said, somehow managing to hold in the bitterness.

This was the very reason Kylo Ren’s footsteps paused when they reached your door. He could undoubtedly see the light filtering underneath the small gap. The muscles in your legs tensed. Your hand went for the blindfold you had sitting on your bedside table despite the examiner’s orders that you not wear it. A nudge; pressure on your kneecap that felt rather like a poke. A question—he did not know how to ask, which question to pose.

“Orders,” you called to him. The pressure faded, and the footsteps resumed. Kylo Ren walked into his quarters and sank down into the chair he so often meditated in. Your hand darted away from the blindfold in favor of seized up a comms device you had brought in. You opened a messaging center, your nose wrinkling when the display was that of your face. The option to record yourself had you rolling your eyes…and then pausing. He had not seen your eyes in some time, had he? Perhaps not at all.

You snapped a picture rather than a video, and this you sent to the man in the other room. A light _ping_ issued, which was followed by boot steps. You seized your lips with your teeth, your heart hammering in your chest. Along with the picture, you had sent a message. _Can you see it?_

“Your soul?” His voice carried through the walls easily, the question-phrased response bringing a smile to your face as you released your lips. “I do.” Boot steps. Him lowering himself into that chair. “Would you like to see mine?”

It felt as though someone had punched you. It was not painful, not in the least insulting. It was…unexpected. A part of you did want to see him, and yet you wondered if things would at all become superficial. Would you dislike what you saw? Could you stop caring for him? How _fake_ were you? The same fears you had carried when it came to others—would you be the sort of person you hated?

But he was not asking you to see his body. He was wanting you to see his soul, which you already _knew_ so well.

“Yes,” you said, your voice cracking in desperation. An exhalation that you knew came from his nose. You waited, your eyes drinking in the display of the messaging center. The sight of the message arriving preceding the _ping_ by nanoseconds. You touched on the icon and held your breath.

Kylo Ren had not sent you his entire face. The focus was exactly what he had intended; his eyes. You gazed into them, peering at his soul. Because he hid nothing from you in that picture. You knew it would need to be deleted so that no one else could ever see it, however you allowed yourself ample time to gaze into those brown eyes. The Dark and the Light within him. Humanity. Vulnerability and strength.

You felt your eyes watering for reasons you could not articulate. Whilst gazing into his soul, you felt him again reach out with his power and prod your knee. This time with less pressure, with less certainty.

“I see it,” you said breathlessly, your throat feeling thick. You swallowed with the hopes that this would help you to breathe more easily. Instead, you felt the first tears beginning to fall.

No one had ever been so open with you before.


	6. Kleine Motte

Kleine Motte

You had been informed that you were not to wear the blindfold, however you had not been discouraged to create a sort of hooded cape with one of your blankets. This you wore happily. Originally you had kept it in place with your hands. Over time, you had developed a means of tying the material so that the hood would remain as you preferred it. You grumbled to yourself whilst pacing your quarters. Having the lights on was beginning to get on your last nerve. You did not want anyone to enter your quarters while you could not blindfold yourself. You, quite frankly, did not want to _see_ anyone.

The one exception to this was seated in his own quarters. The pair of you had a tentative meeting set. He would be entering your room before it was time for _lights out_. The first time you would see him—although the pair of you had agreed that it would be best if he wore his armor. It was what he wore when you were on missions with him, which was when you were physically closest.

You dragged your feet across the floor, heading in the opposite direction. Fifteen minutes if that. You turned your head to cast a quick glance at the door. Closed; it remained closed. A scowl twisted your features. You lowered yourself into a crouch, the blanket pooling about you as you wrapped your arms around your knees.

“I can sense your agitation,” Kylo Ren said whilst standing. You looked in the direction of the wall, where his voice had come from. As he spoke, he walked closer to his door. You curled your toes, fingers clutching all the more tightly at the material of the blanket as well as your pants.

He was already wearing the helmet; that you could tell from his breathing alone. His voice, naturally, proved only to solidify this fact for you. The sound of his door opening, that mechanical whirring, had you adjusting your posture. You were kneeling at that point as opposed to squatting. You were under the assumption that you were going to lose your footing at the sight of him…his armor. Your mind ran through the sounds it made. Leather, you knew that by its sounds as well as its smell. Layers of clothing. Robes—you listened for them to swish while on missions. The wind always made them move; would they have billowed more had a non-Force sensitive being been wearing them?

You pressed your knees towards one another, the bones digging into the flesh. All the while, your heart was picking up pace, racing in your chest as the anticipation mounted. You remembered the sight of his eyes, which you would not be seeing, and how they had felt to you. Everything that had been conveyed in that single gaze aided in sobering you.

The door to your quarters opened, and standing there was… Your toes twitched. His attire was vaguely familiar, the same way one might recall that they have seen a person years in the past. Perhaps at a family gathering—some distant cousin or another. The dark visor was pointed your way, never leaving your face as Kylo Ren fully entered your quarters. Your stare inched above the visor in favor of the silver portions of his mask. Like a furrowed brow—angry. It characterized violence in your opinion.

The robes were styled somewhat different than you had pictured. With no wind present, they remained in a more natural state. Ah—it was the slit. It was positioned closer to the center than you had believed. Peeking out from underneath was another layer. You raised your chin, looking up at his face and taking into consideration the hooded cowl he wore.

That cowl matched his robes, and yet almost clashed as well. Tattered…old, your mind supplied. It was rather old, which caused you to wonder just how long it had been in his possession.

No doubt fully aware of where your attentions were, Kylo Ren raised a hand and toyed with the cloth. “Old training robes.” Your eyebrows rose towards your hairline. When had he begun his training? To know that would give you the information you required for the cowl’s age. “And yours…bedspread.” You lifted your hands, touching the blanket where it was situated on the top of your head. “Would you like a robe?”

“…is that a genuine offer?” you asked, your question beginning with a drawn out _gnnn_ sort of noise. His hood shifted when he nodded, the gesture giving you a more generous view of the top of his helmet. Kylo Ren brushed back his hood. You curled your lips inwards and bit down on them. It looked so smooth that you wanted to feel it.

Three steps more brought him in reaching distance, and when the man crouched, you were able to lift your hand and run it along the surface. It had a few bumps that you had not caught with your vision. This was why you never fully relied upon sight. It missed so much.

Kylo placed a hand on the floor beside one of your knees. Though you could see the limb in your peripheral, you otherwise ignored it. You were much too busy tracing every inch of the man’s helmet that you could. Memorizing those various contours that were not entirely visible to the naked eye. It was a well-worn helmet, that was for certain. The mouthpiece moved closer to you. You dropped your gaze down to his visor though you continued petting the top of his helmet. Your fingers trailed lower; you were touching those silver ridges.

The entire time you touched his helmet, the man’s breathing was even. Yet he still continued to lean closer and closer to your face. At last you were forced to pull back your hand in order to place your fingers on his mouthpiece, else you would have been practically kissing the metallic surface. A heavy sigh issued from him. 

“You’re sweating.”

This statement had you blinking repeatedly. It also brought to attention that you were, in fact, sweating. Perspiration had gathered on your brow as well as the back of your neck. A wet streak on his helmet showed that your hands had begun to sweat as well. You wiped these on the front of your bottoms.

“Are you afraid?” he asked, and you shrugged in response. Were you afraid? Or just nervous? You could, in the back of your mind, be fearful that he would reject you. It was not as though _he_ hadn’t seen _you_ whilst on those various missions. And you had already sent him that picture of your face with your eyes uncovered.

Then what could it possibly be?

You did not retreat from him when again he pressed his mouthpiece towards your face. The very tip of your nose touched the cool surface, and there he paused. “You can see your own reflection…” Your gaze was instantly on his visor—and you realized this was exactly it. This was _it_. In the semi-reflective surface of his helmet, you could see yourself, which for some reason was the most unnerving thing of all. “Close your eyes.”

You instantly obeyed, not even questioning him. The familiar click-hiss of his helmet unlatching had your heart stuttering in your chest. Its beat then pounded against your ribcage. Air inflated your lungs as you inhaled sharply through your nose; the feel of those leather gloves pushing aside your blanket-fashioned hood. A weight descended over your head then. His helmet was being lowered onto you. Your mouth ran dry, not only from the stale air that was filtered into the helmet, but from the notion that you would see his entire face.

Those eyes.

You did want to see those eyes in person; not only in the form of a holographic image, which was distorted in minor ways. The visor of the helmet you wore could possibly alter his appearance as well.

Still…

His hand met your shoulder. Kylo Ren grunted, his voice somewhat changed now that you were the one wearing his helmet. “Would you like to see?”

You did not bother to respond verbally. Instead, your eyes shot open and you stared out through the visor at those orbs. They were trained on you. The corners were crinkled a little, his amusement accentuated by that smirk of his. That smirk… You stared at his lips and felt a need to wet your own. You flicked out your tongue to do so, tasting the inside of the mouthpiece when the organ ventured too far.

“You have pretty lips,” you said.

“Pretty?” he repeated, said features puckering in a light pout.

“That… I don’t mean it as an insult.” Your voice was altered by the mask, and you rather liked the sound of it echoing in your ears. Kylo Ren’s jaw jutted forward as he leaned back his head. His eyes narrowed, taking you in. Given that he could not see your face, you gathered he was reading you through other means.

“Really?” He spoke this rather passively, and you knew he was teasing you. You rolled your eyes. Kylo Ren swiped a thumb along his lips. “Pretty.” He said again. Behind the mask, you were starting to smile.

“I’ll now know how to picture them whenever you grace us with your witty retorts on missions.” Now he was smirking again, his eyes growing soft. They felt warm to you. Inviting. In no way was he attempting to shield his true nature from you, and you appreciated this more than you could ever verbalize. “They were always a little less full in my mind. The way they moved. I like this more—how you actually look.”

Kylo Ren stood in a fluid motion. It was breathtaking, watching it as opposed to simply hearing the action. You followed suit, rising to your feet. Your hands went to the latches on the helmet, and you removed it from your head. His features were lighter without the visor obscuring your view. You held the object against your gut, cradling it in your arms. Kylo did not make any move to take it from you. His hands busied themselves with touching your waist. He tugged you closer.

This time you could feel yourself sweating. He had been close to you in the past in the physical sense. Touched you. On missions, he had curled one arm around your body and brought you against his chest whilst he sliced through enemies with his lightsaber. Your fingers twitched, arcing backwards to touch the hilt of said weapon. It was at his waist and easily in reach with how he had positioned you. With the fluidity with which he had stood, you could not help but wonder how his actions _looked_ when on the battlefield.

You closed your eyes to better imagine the sounds. Every minute movement of muscle. The hum of that saber. The beating of his heart, and the alterations in his respirations. And then…each grunt he would make. Your mind associated some of those noises with the ones he had released whilst masturbating.

“Will you stay in here tonight?” You reopened your eyes and stared up at his face. Kylo Ren was watching you in return. “I want to…leave the lights on…with you in here.”

His chuckle came deep from within his chest, which caused your own chest to tighten. He was rejecting you, wasn’t he? “Someone who is afraid of the light…” The chuckle was repeated. “As though it will burn you—little moth.” You felt your entire face heating up at the nickname. “I’ll stay with you…although the heat may become suffocating.” He caressed your hip as he said this, a gesture of removing your pants without doing so. The tightness in your chest did not disappear, but instead altered. It was less suffocating. Now it was encouraging you to give into him. “Perhaps something thinner… I can have robes brought.”

He pinched the edge of your blanket-made robes. “Like yours?”

“You wish to wear my robes?” You swallowed thickly, now fully aware that he _was_ flirting with you. “While my pretty lips meet yours?” Your stomach did a sort of swoop. The helmet narrowly missed your feet when you dropped it; Kylo Ren had slammed his mouth over yours, his hand on the back of your head and tugging you closer.


	7. No More Waiting

No More Waiting

What truly captivated you beyond the kiss was the fact that Kylo Ren made no move to strip you of your clothing. He was, in many respects, allowing you to take lead. By this, you knew that he was very conscientious of your limitations, your boundaries. How long had it been since you had engaged in intimate behavior with another? You tried to tick off the duration in your head, only for your mind to become enveloped in a delightful fog as Kylo’s lips caressed yours for a third time.

You slipped your hands to his face, feeling along his features and sighing into the kiss. It was the most familiar countenance you had ever felt; you felt closer to him than you had anyone from your past.

“Pulling the sheets above our heads—“

“Loopholes?” you asked against his lips. You found yourself smiling. Kylo Ren stepped away from you and moved closer to the bed. He pulled the sheets loose from the mattress, whipping them in the air. You watched them billowing back down. Your hands, meanwhile, had begun to busy themselves with working on the buttons of your shirt. You would not strip entirely; this you had already decided. Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side. He could hear the shifting of your clothing, yet he did not turn to face you. How well he knew you—that you would likely become too flustered to continue stripping if he became too active an audience.

You slipped the sleeves down the lengths of your arms, allowed the material to drop to the floor, and moved out of your pants as well. You wrapped the blanket more tightly around yourself then took a step closer to Kylo. He relinquished his hold on the sheets, and removed the top layer of his own clothing. You climbed onto the bed, using one hand to clutch your makeshift robes. Behind you, Kylo snorted in what you knew to be amusement.

Having arriving in the middle of the bed, you grabbed hold of the sheets and pulled them over your head. The dimmed lighting was more to your liking. Of course, you found yourself squinting a half second later when the sheets were raised to allow the Master of the Knights of Ren under with you. You drew your limbs closer to your body. It felt more than a little snug underneath the covers with him; yet the pair of you had been pressed together in tighter areas while on missions.

“Your clothes are weird,” you said, prodding them with a single finger. His response was to grunt and remove another layer of clothing. You tilted your head to the side to consider him at a new angle. His pants looked comfortable if someone asked you, although they were a little blurry. You rubbed your eyes, blinked repeatedly, and huffed out a sigh. “Seeing is overrated.”

“Mm. You’re quite the vision.” Your jaw dropped—the man you knew to be quite snarky was rather smooth. At least he was not teasing you about his pretty lips, which found the side of your face. Your tongue traced along your lips as he kissed your cheek. “You can close your eyes if you prefer.”

Your gaze darted to his eyes when he spoke those words. You were grateful for the chance to peer into those orbs, to see the depths of the man before you therein. This caused you to shake your head. Even if you preferred the dark, you knew that you would always make an exception for this man. Not that you needed to see him to know him. Perhaps that was what made your relationship with him unique.

This was a man who killed without hesitation when it came to his enemy, yet questioned the consequences of his actions when he was alone. _He’s so strong,_ you thought, running a hand along the muscles of his arm. Not only in a physical sense.

Kylo Ren made no move to touch you. You drew your bottom lip into your mouth, pressing down on it with your teeth when at last you gave him a nod. He accepted this as the permission he had been waiting for. His hand met your hip, thumb hooking towards your stomach. Your eyes widened at the feel of flesh on yours. Though your undergarments kept you from being completely naked, you felt so bare. Unlike other times, you did not feel embarrassed, especially not after his comment.

“Little moth,” Ren whispered, drawing his limb higher so that he was cupping your breast through your bra. You uttered his name in response, your voice equally low. For so long you had been a reluctant voyeur of sexual activities that occurred around you, and now you could only think that silence would protect you. Quietude.

As if he understood—and he likely did—Kylo closed his mouth around yours then repeated the nickname. He was so hot, so like a flame; and yet you knew he would not burn you. He toyed with the edges of your blanket-made robe with the hand that was not kneading your chest.

“A cocoon?” You nodded without thinking. Perhaps it _was_ a cocoon. What were you to become?

Becoming brave, you placed your hand on his lap. You could feel through his layers of clothing the way his cock stirred. Ren dropped his hand away from your breast in favor of caressing your wrist. You withdrew your hand, understanding that there was no need to feel pressured. In many respects, you did not feel pressured. In other ways, you knew that subconsciously you were. _Let things run their course_ , his eyes seemed to say to you. You climbed into his lap, delighting in the way he wrapped his arms around you and held you.

For a week he took to entering your quarters when it was time for sleep cycle to begin. At the end of those seven days, he urged you to instead come into his room. Your heart hiccupped at the very idea of it. You had been able to hear all that had occurred within its walls, however had not been inside before. You knew that he preferred his privacy—not even the Knights entered Kylo Ren’s private quarters. You wore your blindfold, and thus when you entered, Ren said:

“There are no flames, little moth.”

Once the door to his quarters closed, you reached up to remove the cloth. You blinked your eyes, appreciative of the darkness in the room. “Are you resting your eyes?” The previous day’s mission had resulted in the acquisition of three scrolls that Supreme Leader had then instructed Kylo Ren to read. You had heard him, his quietude, ever since. The man nodded whilst grunting. “Sometimes I miss reading—seeing the words, that is.” You had learned how to read Braille, however audiobooks were easier to acquire.

“You read for recreational purposes?” Your lips quirked upwards at his curious tone. Though the pair of you knew much about one another, there were mysterious to be had on both sides.

You began to remove your clothes. For the first time, you did not stop at your bra and panties. These fell to the floor to join the small pile. The sound of you stripping had prompted your superior to act likewise. You listened carefully, ticking off each layer mentally. He kept on his underwear. Never assuming, which was touching given how entitled he acted the majority of the time. While you undressed, you offered the titles of two books you were particularly fond of.

When again you were quite, and then naked, and he had finished stripping as well, Kylo offered insight as to the lay of his room. You used his directions in order to make your way to his bed. He was already seated in the middle of the mattress. Your feet landed atop the pile of his clothes, which caused you to snort. The man you were with sighed; you could see the silhouette of his arm shift in the shadows of the room, reaching towards you. You accepted his hand, your stomach swooping when he tugged you onto the bed with him. His breath stilled at the feel of your naked chest against his.

“I trust you with my life, you know,” you said. Ren pressed his forehead gently to yours. The tip of his nose also caressed yours, and you found yourself smiling. This man had already protected your life numerous times; him and his Knights. “You don’t assume. It’s pretty refreshing.”

His hands, so large, were cradling your back, your shoulder blades. Your hands were on his forearms, trailing upwards until you crossed your arms behind his neck. You thought of how he sounded when he was fighting to protect you. The grace with which he moved in for the kill—the way he moved more quickly when it was to protect you. His Knights had noticed this as well, though none of them made comments. Instead they had taken to ensuring such occurrences were rare; and this pleased their Master.

“The robes will soon arrive.” Your mind pulled a blank on that; and then it dawned on you. He had not been completely teasing you that day. You kissed him in thanks, allowing his tongue to slip past your lips and along yours. You squirmed against him, your body thrumming in pleasure. One of his hands dropped away from your shoulder blades to shove his under wear away. You were all too happy to press your bodies together at that point. His cock slipped between your outer lips, your juices smearing along his shaft as you ground against him.

Already the musky scent of arousal permeated the air. It fueled your desire. You gasped. How you loved the firmness of his cock, the way its flesh still yielded; the friction created between your body and his had you whimpering. His tongue flexed upwards to caress the roof of your mouth. Your body felt as though it spasmed against his when you shuddered in response. You could feel your inner walls tugging at nothing whilst allowing your juices to continue to slip out and slick up his cock.

Kylo Ren pulled back enough to where he could bite down on your bottom lip, tugging then releasing it so that it _popped_ back into place. The sound echoed in your head, one of the few things to drown out the pounding of your heart in your ears.

Ren shifted, tilting you back and laying you on the bed. His lips puckered on your neck. The mattress squeaked. It was such a familiar noise, that squeaking. Sound gave way to touch again—the touch of the underside of his tongue meeting your throat and tracing down, down…lower and lower before he flicked it up again, shifting back upwards in reverse. You felt his breath heating up the trail of saliva he left on you. Some drool slipped from him and landed on your chest. You moaned with the knowledge that you were making his mouth water.

The rough pads of his fingertips met your inner thighs. You allowed him to work you apart, to pry open your legs. He settled his body between them, his face arriving in front of yours. You searched the darkness; not trying to see him so much as hear and sense him. This was your world, your comfort zone. Darkness seemed to be a large part of his existence as well. He navigated it with ease. Nudges of the Force tracing the various contours of your body.

A hardness met your chin, though with a gentle prodding. You tilted back your head further, and Kylo nibbled at you. You lifted your hands from your sides, aware that he was waiting for you to explore as well. Not that the two of you weren’t familiar with one another in many respects. Yet this invitation—you immediately ran your fingers through his hair. You enjoyed the smooth, silky locks; the contrast of this with the pads of his fingers. You cradled the back of his neck, tugging his head closer when his lips sealed around your nipple. His tongue nudged it back and forth. Your cunt felt as though it were pulsing.

“Mm… I don’t want to wait,” you panted.

Above you, Ren chuckled. The vibrations traveled through your chest, through your entire body. He dropped a hand between your legs, his thumb dipping into you only to pull away. Freshly coated with your juices, that digit was set to your clit, rubbing. Your toes curled, and you bucked your hips. Kylo twisted his wrist, two fingers prodding your entrance. He slid them inside of you to the first knuckle. You pushed down further, your body taking in more of him. The Force user did not object. On the contrary, he spread his fingers within you, scissoring you open in preparation. 

“Please don’t make me wait,” you whispered.

Now his fingers did leave your body. You felt empty, hollowed out—and then the thick head of his erection met your entrance. Your eyelids fluttered. Ren began to push inside, slowly. Stretching you, relishing in the feel of your walls wrapping around him in the same way you were enraptured by the sensation of his cock filling you so completely. You felt _whole_ with him inside of you. 

His hands met the sides of your face. You bucked your hips into his, meeting his first thrust as his mouth met yours. _Such pretty lips,_ you thought as their smooth surface touched various portions of your face. He had to use lip balm, you just knew it. You only hoped he enjoyed your kisses as much as you enjoyed his.

“You’re so tight around me,” Kylo grunted, resting one hand beside your head to give himself an improved angle at which to thrust into you. You spread your legs wider for half a beat then wrapped them tightly around his waist. Ren slipped an arm between his body and your right leg, bringing it up higher. You nearly screamed his name with how deeply his cock stroked inside of you. “Fuck.”

Your sweat mingled with his, your bodies sticking in places. Flesh meeting flesh. Friction. Your hands roamed his body freely now, touching everywhere you could. His mouth again enveloped your breast, sucking. You bent forward as best you could given how he was holding you and swiped your tongue along his collarbone. His moan was one of the most delicious things you had ever heard. Animalistic. Wanting. Raw.

He whipped the two of you around, you now straddling his lap as he bucked his hips upwards. You grabbed hold of his shoulders to steady yourself, swirling your hips. You released one of his shoulders in order to run a hand through your hair. Kylo’s hands flew to your hips, clutching you when your body spasmed in orgasm. He groaned; by the sound of the mattress’s squeaks, you knew his ass was not meeting the bed. Ren knelt there, the two of you moaning in pleasure as you each came.

Kylo rolled onto his side, taking you with him. The two of you untangled your limbs yet continued to lie with one another. You traced his face in the darkness. Your hand hovered near his eyes. “Next time,” he said. “I won’t let you burn, little moth.”

“Under the sheets?” You did not mind the light, however you had no desire to squint—you wanted to see his body as well.

“Very well.” As always, your heartbeat matched his.


	8. Shadows in Light

Shadows in Light

You squinted in the dim lighting as you peered over Ren’s shoulder. Another mission had yielded more scrolls. Two of the other Knights were seated on the ground while reading. Why they had insisted on entering your quarters, you were not entirely certain. At the same time, you did not find yourself unnerved by their presence. One of the Knights was the individual who had gifted you candy. The other had saved your skin this last mission when the ceiling began to collapse. You ran a hand through your hair and tilted back your head.

More and more, you seemed to be growing on the Knights of Ren. Their indifference and subtle moments of agitation when it came to your presence had all but dispersed as you completed more missions with them. You sometimes felt as though you were an honorary member. These two coming to your quarters like this solidified that. Thus you stopped questioning it and instead decided to enjoy their company.

Like their Master, the Knights of Ren _knew_ how to act around you. Numerous nonverbal interactions that flowed smoothly. A small shift to the left as you walked past one of the Knights. You had not needed to say a single word to cause this. No alteration in his breathing. You walked to the small table on which sat the three helmets of the Knights. To properly see them you learned that you needed to squint your eyes. Things were still a little blurry for you; it was no wonder the physician wanted you to keep off the blindfold more often. You did not mind it as much as you used to; you enjoyed seeing Kylo Ren’s face.

As if on cue, you felt his eyes on you, heard the shift of muscles as he turned partway. You twisted as well in order to meet his gaze. Supreme Leader Snoke was ordering the Knights away by the end of the week. The Master of the Knights of Ren would remain with the First Order to carry out a number of missions alongside General Hux. The Knights of Ren themselves had other tasks they would attend to. The details of these you were not privy to. What had been decided was that you would continue with your training and remain useful should the Knights require your assistance in the future.

The specifics, however, had not been decided. Supreme Leader, from what Kylo had informed you, was toying with the idea of separating both you and Ren in order to see how you would adapt to one another once you were rejoined. He wished to know how tune the pair of you truly were. You loathed the idea of being separated from the Force user for a prolonged period. That’s what it would be as well—it was not as though he hadn’t already gone on missions without you. Days here and there. No, what Supreme Leader was suggesting would last at least a month… What if it was a full year?

You broke contact first, again tilting back your head and looking up towards the ceiling. The other two Knights within the room shifted. They could sense your unease and likely knew the cause. You were grateful that they did not comment on it.

You closed your eyes. In the darkness, you could easily feel and see Ren. He was always on your mind, in some small way or another.

_Will we be allowed to use comdevices?_

It would not be cruelty that would lead Supreme Leader Snoke to deny you such a thing. It would be passiveness. Curiosity. His intent would not be to seek pleasure from your misery, though this was hardly a comfort.

For want of something to do, for something to preoccupy yourself with, you crossed the room to your bed. Once there, you shoved at your mattress, moving it onto the floor. The boxspring you moved as well then arranged pillows atop it. The longer the two Knights remained, the more you realized that they did not want to leave you as they were meant to. They, too, wished to prolong the contact you would have before it was broken. The blankets you separated whilst ensuring the four of you would be warm enough.

Ren was the first to put away his reading material. He left long enough to use the refresher, and was in the process of stripping off the top layers of his clothing when he returned. One by one the two Knights followed suit. While they readied themselves, you curled onto the boxspring with your superior. He and you each laid on your sides facing one another. Your eyes roamed his face, lingering on those brown orbs. With the two Knights occupied, Kylo Ren let down his guard and you could see clearly that familiar vulnerability that emphasized the fact he was human.

Should Snoke separate the pair of you for a prolonged period only to yield poor results, it would mean a new readjustment time—unless he decided it unworthy of his or his apprentice’s efforts.

“It’s disappointing,” you said aloud at long last. Kylo’s lips parted, air escaping him as though he had been waiting for you to say something on the matter. “Do you think it’ll be…completely?” He did not respond to you verbally; instead you could feel a light pressure, that brushing against your flesh. The Force. “ _I_ can’t feel you like…that.”

“You do not trust me to seek you?” he asked, his voice level. You blinked thrice. This was the man with whom you entrusted your life to when on missions—when not on missions as well. You pressed your teeth down on your bottom lip. “Do you not dream of me when I leave you here?”

You had always assumed that the dreams you had of him in his absence were part of the norm; after all, you dreamed of him when he was present as well. The idea that he could somehow bring on such a connection between the pair of you from a distance was comforting.

“Do you dream of me? How does it work for you?”

Rather than answer you, Ren pressed his lips together. The two Knights had reentered the room and were in earshot. You lowered your gaze to the Force user’s chin prior to looking at his lips. The two of you hardly spoke now that you were no longer alone. Though the Knights could likely sense the unspoken words between Ren and you, it did not mean you would wish for them to truly hear them.

Night gave way to day, a new cycle beginning. The Knights exited your quarters prior to Kylo Ren acting likewise. The latter returned in under an hour, the man offering you the name of the location you would be sent to. It caused you pause, your brow furrowing. The base in question was not one that received much traffic; it did, on the other hand, sort through a large quantity of intelligence reports for the First Order. It was also one of the few places the Knights of Ren often visited between their missions.

“Will you—“

“It is unlikely that I will make a journey there in the upcoming month.” As he spoke, your superior ran his thumb along a pouch he had affixed to his side. This new addition had not gone unnoticed by you even if you had refrained from commenting on it. “Little moth.” He said this quietly, simultaneously Ren reached into the pouch and withdrew—a flashlight. You nearly snorted. Your lips twitched at the corners. “You need not be afraid.”

You could already picture yourself using the gift, which you accepted with both hands. At night, when you were given the orders to not wear your blindfold, you would pull the sheets over your head and turn it on. You would imagine how it had been that first time in the light. Him atop you, the sheets constantly riding up as his body moved with yours.

“Vision is overrated,” he commented offhand. You were brought back to the present. Kylo’s jaw twitched before he continued. “I will feel you through the Force.” It was likely as close to an _I’ll miss you_ that he would allow himself. You felt yourself smiling somberly at him.

You took a step closer to him, shifting so that you were able to rest your ear against his chest. You let your eyelids descend and focused on his heartbeat. How well it matched your own. At the same time, you were running your thumb up and down the length of the flashlight.

“It doubles as a blunt object to beat anyone who might come into my quarters.” You loved the sound of his quiet laughter. The vibrations traveled into your body as well, and soon you found you could not contain a chuckle of your own. “When will I be leaving?”

“I have ensured a week long delay.” You appreciated this beyond words. Kylo Ren did not have to say aloud that he intended to spend the majority of that time with you. “You will continue your studies in Sith and Jedi lore when you are not completing assignments for the First Order.”

“I enjoy learning about it all. I still don’t believe I’ll ever fully understand it… I don’t have that sort of connection with the Force.”

Ren set a hand on your hip, his arm flowing along the curves of your body. Neither of you wished to pull away. Though you would be in the same room together, breaking this contact was—it caused you to shudder, and Kylo’s fingers twitched in response. You could not tell if you were sad; you doubted it. You would miss him, and he would miss you as well. Yet you knew that both of you would be plenty busy and thus occupied. There would be contact, albeit from a distance. And you would see one another again, of that you were absolutely certain.

“I’ll learn to make shadow puppets for you,” you said. Without looking up at his face, you knew he was smiling. You pressed your thumb against the switch of the flashlight, casting its beam along the floor. “I’ll tell you a story—put on a show—when we’re together again.”

“We will be under your blankets.”

“Of course,” you said, your smile widening. He knew you so well, so deeply. “Do you know how to make shadow puppets?”

“No. Not exactly.”

“I’ll teach you. When I’m done telling you the story, I’ll teach you how to make them.” His hand trailed up and then down, caressing your hip.


	9. Shadow Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out a bit fluffy.

Shadow Play

The saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder could be said to be a half-truth. It could also be a poison that caused the mind to develop reasons as to why you did not need the person in your life; a strange sort of survival mechanism. At times when your mind would conjure up memories of the Master of the Knights of Ren, the next breath had you mentally explaining hwo his presence would have been a distraction to your work. There were occasions where you found yourself victim of your own mind’s berating— _too_ sentimental. A familiar nudge, weak due to the distance, proved to instantly silence such thoughts each and every time. All at once the negativity would die away, and fondness mingled with longing would return to your heart.

These moments were not as frequent as one might have believed; as you had predicted, work kept you busy and rarely allowed time for idly thoughts. Hours would tick by despite feeling like mere minutes. Often you felt as though there was not enough time in each day. When it came to sleep cycle—you hardly slept. When you did, it was most often due to taking medication to help knock yourself out and keep you in a slumbering state. Otherwise you would find yourself awakening randomly throughout the night, either wishing to work or else thinking there was something off…something _missing_.

Relief came, albeit infrequently, in the form of one or more of the Knights of Ren arriving. You would break away from your normal tasks when you could to sit with them. Off and on you still took to wearing your blindfold. Your skills proved useful even on this base. Your coworkers were rather preferable to those you had known prior to your accident. They remained honest overall, though everyone had their secrets. You did not pry, and they did not judge you with the same hostility those of your previous base had.

Less pettiness equated a more productive workday. Except for at current. You were busily consuming the meal that the Knight had brought with him. He had removed his mask and was also eating. The silence that was between the pair of you was comfortable. Familiar. It made your yearning for Kylo Ren return, as did your desire to be near the other Knights. Those missions…

“The texts regarding the Jedi are different than I thought they would be. Their rules were more strict.”

The Knight snorted, his lips curling upwards in amusement. “Master Ren hinted as much.” You nodded, your head bobbing slowly though you did not respond verbally. “And of the Sith?”

“Well, I am happy that you… The Knights of Ren… That there are not only two of them.” Not that you were insinuating they were Sith. The members of the Knights of Ren, aside from the Master, were not quite so adept in the powers of the Force. Your current companion offered a small grin in reply to your words. “How is he?”

“Growing more powerful. Reaching out to you as he does… Supreme Leader encourages it. The control needed to reach you across such a distance.”

“I feel it every now and again. Sometimes I hate it. It distracts me and makes me miss him more. And then I get angry, because I don’t want to feel that way.”

“You avoid thinking of him then?”

“At night, I make shadow puppets. I use the flashlight he gave me, and I think about him then. I try to make up an interesting story that I can tell him when we meet again. I told him that I would. It’s so stupid. I need darkness to properly use the flashlight to use darkness—shadows… It’s all about balance, which is what the texts of the Sith and Jedi dance around. Everyone is so blind to it in themselves. Their darkness. They try to deny that they have dark thoughts or else delight too frequently in them. Or their light. They give and give and give. Try to be the embodiment of goodness and self-sacrifice. There’s no balance.”

The Knight rested his chin on a fist, his elbow on his knee whilst he observed you. It was clear that your words had captured his attention with how quiet he was. It had been nearly six weeks since you had last seen him, though the pair of you had communicated via the messaging center when it was made clear he would be arriving on your base in under a month. His responses had been primarily monosyllabic. Though he had been more talkative at the beginning of the conversation, he appeared to lapse into quietness as time elapsed. Not that you much minded; your thoughts had drifted towards Kylo Ren once more.

 _Will he even care about shadow puppets?_ It seemed so trivial; not that it hadn’t from the beginning, however you worried about it more as time went on.

Before he left the base, the Knight of Ren left in your care two new scrolls that you were instructed to not open. You obeyed without question. You placed the two scrolls into the top drawer in your bedroom, grabbed out your flashlight, and pulled the covers over your head.

You remained in the darkness without turning on the light though you ran your thumb along the switch. The shapes you could make with shadows were amateur. If they did amuse Kylo Ren when he again came, it would be due to how pathetic they were. You smiled at the thought. Perhaps _he_ would teach _you_ how to make new shapes.

As the days went by, you remembered the scrolls only when you rummaged through your drawer in the morning and at night. Work picked up yet again, leaving you much too busy to be distracted by thoughts of Kylo Ren. You did not take the pills to help you sleep, opting instead to drink extra caf in order to remain awake as long as possible. Another three weeks went by before at last you took a pill—and you were out cold.

Which explained why no noise awoke you despite your sensitive hearing. Or, it took several noises to awaken you. Perhaps it had been the flash of light, which was dimmed by the blanket that was pulled over the top of whoever it was in bed with you. You stared with wide eyes at the intruder, whom you could not see because of the barrier. The sound of paper being unraveled—a scroll being further opened—drifted into your ears. It startled you awake the rest of the way.

A caress along your thigh, and you felt as though all your breath escaped your lungs in a single instant. There was no distance between the two of you any longer. You reached up a hand and touched the edge of the blanket he had on him. You couldn’t help but wonder how long he had been reading under the blankets. Using the flashlight he had gifted you, you thought as your lips parted. You curled your fingers about the material, drawing it off of him. Despite not looking up from the scroll, Kylo Ren did tilt his head and grunt out a greeting.

It felt _natural_ for him to be there. As though no time had elapsed while the two of you had been apart; not months at least. Perhaps only hours.

You felt so complete.

“I haven’t finished making up a story for you.” You pressed your legs towards one another. “Or learning to make shadows.” Ren flicked the light in the direction of your lap, his lips curled upwards. You could not object to that. It was crude in a way, yet you wanted it as well. He dropped the flashlight in favor of reaching for his pants. You, meanwhile, busied yourself with stripping. “I feel a little out of it.”

“Mm. The medicine,” he hummed, setting a hand on your hip to keep you from tipping off the bed as you set your shirt over the edge. He assisted you in lying down then climbed atop you. Your lips worked actively against his, with his. His tongue was smooth along yours. He tasted just as you remembered him. He _felt_ exactly as you remembered him as well. He filled you, completed you. His cock moved in and out of you, his mouth roaming your body greedily. The familiar Force caressed your body, rubbed along your clitoris so that your legs spasmed, twitching against his hips.

The flashlight rolled back and forth, casting the shadows of your mingled bodies on the wall behind you. You knew this from when you threw back your head, moaning in ecstasy as he pounded into you. Your eyelids fluttered, your mouth agape; you watched your shadows until he again claimed your mouth.

“A perfect story,” he purred. You shuddered, trembling under him. Your orgasm washed over you. Ren sighed in pleasure when he came, his groan causing you to swear. “A lovely shadow show.”

“Perhaps we taught each other.”

“We did,” he said then pressed his lips to yours in a quick kiss.


	10. Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short and fluffy. I hope you all enjoy.

Bliss

The calming effect the pair of you had on one another was something neither of you moved to make public; you each knew that it would be abused by those within the First Order. Though Supreme Leader could likely sense the connection, he said nothing. It was more that you feared you would be placed in a position to calm the man when he lashed out in anger. His violent tantrums that resulted in the destruction of First Order property was something you occasionally witnessed, however mostly avoided. Because you knew Ren in a way that no one else did, you understood why it was he lashed out. His self-doubts fed by forces he could hardly control. Kylo Ren despised feeling inadequate or forgettable; and failure could very well lead to exactly that.

That was not to say you condoned such behavior; he simply was not a petulant child who needed to be scolded. He was battling his own demons—something you could not do for him.

You sat upon your bed with a stack of books on either side of you. One stack contained Braille texts, while the others were of typed font. A number of your peers did not understand why you preferred these all over holonovels. At least they did not bother you about them aside from brief inquiries. You set the text that was in your hand atop the pile to the right. This had grown after your previous mission with the Knights of Ren. Supreme Leader would not waste your talent; in this Kylo Ren had been correct. Yet you remained, for the most part, on the new base. It was safer, and also allowed for you more chances to meet with the Knights.

The reason behind your move to set down the book was the entrance of Kylo Ren. His shoulders were heaving. This was not unexpected given that you had also heard the bad news. A mission failure. You lifted up the flashlight, clicked it on, and shined it his way. His shoulders, which had previously been slumped in agitation, settled into a more comfortable posture.

Supreme Leader was wise indeed. That he had had you read texts on the Sith and Jedi allowed you to better understand the Master of the Knights of Ren. The Light and Dark within him. The internal conflict; and Snoke wished for his prized pupil to remain a balance of the Light and Dark.

Kylo Ren was drawn to the light, the beam of your flashlight urging him to close the distance between the two of you. You smiled softly at him. The tips of his gloved fingers met one of the stacks of books. You dipped the beam of light a little lower, directing it to a spot on the bed. A small chuckle escaped him. Kylo lifted his hands to his helmet simultaneously to shifting his knees up onto the bed. You made no comment in regards to the fact that his boots were dirtying your bedsheets; those could be changed at any time. You wanted him comfortable.

“You’re rather hard on yourself,” you said softly as a means to open the conversation.

His brown eyes roamed your face whilst he released a hum. “We are all our own worst critics.”

“Some people are quite full of themselves.”

“Perhaps I will allow you to be full of me.” You bit down on your bottom lip. The line he had spoken with such a husky voice, his smirk accentuating that purr of his in a way that made your body immediately respond. “Another shadow play.”

“One of these days,” you began, tilting your head to the side so that he could easily press his lips to the side of your neck, “we’re going to learn how to properly make shadow animals.”

“I bought a book,” he confessed. “A holonovel.” He did not have to say aloud that work was what kept him from practicing. You lifted a hand to the side of his face, caressing his cheek while he kissed your throat once more.

Ren set his forehead to your shoulder. You well knew that he was continuing to unwind after his fit of rage. You were patient enough to not comment on this, to play along. It was how he liked things—it was how _you_ liked things as well. Kylo wrapped a lone arm around your waist, tugged so that you were in a more reclined position, and laid upon the bed next to you. The stacks of books threatened to give way. You rightly guessed that he used the Force to keep them upright. As for the flashlight, that remained in your hand and thus pressed between your body and his. The beam was shining on your feet.

He would later confer with his deceased grandfather; and this time it would not annoy you, not as it had when first you had had a room beside his. You were proud of Ren, that he continued to seek enlightenment.

“I love the robes,” you said with a gesture towards the closet. He had purchased a new set for you after your others had been damaged in a recent mission. “They’re softer.”

“I want you comfortable.” You twisted slightly, the very tip of your nose touching his. His next breath, thought heavy, revealed how calm he had become. He was at peace, his heartbeat matching yours. “You blind me…yet seeing is overrated.” The final portion he said as his eyes darted nervously to the left. You felt your heart hiccup in your chest.

“I…” You swiped your tongue along your lips. Pressing your body closer to his, you replied to his admission: “I love you too.”

You could hear his heartbeat, a staccato much like yours. Racing. His eyes darting about though constantly drawn to your face. Now that the words were at last spoken aloud, now that your feelings had each been verbalized, the two of you were at a loss. You hit your thumb along the switch and shut off the beam of light. Kylo’s loose hold tightened. The two of you stared into one another’s eyes. The window to the soul.

You loved him, you truly did. The soft expression you could see dancing in those orbs told you that his feelings were genuine, that his words were the truth. He loved you as well.

“You used to annoy me when I first moved next to you.”

“I could feel that through the Force.” You set the flashlight behind him then moved your hand into his. His fingers immediately curled, grasping onto you. “Yet you were curious.”

“You’re remarkable,” you whispered. His eyes dropped from your face, his self-doubt surfacing. “It’s okay to not be perfect—we learn from our mistakes. That’s a good thing. You’re remarkable, Ren… Don’t question that.”

“You truly believe this.” Though it had been a statement, you nodded. “Your feelings for me may have clouded your judgment.”

“No. I knew this before I fell for you. I _learned_ it by being near you. You look for ways to improve. You’re amazing, Ren. So many people are so _fake_. They tell themselves that they are perfect the way they are and then don’t try to improve. It doesn’t do anyone any good. It’s okay to be angry sometimes, too. I have self-doubt. That’s natural. But I believe in you.”

“And you will help me?”

“Stay on the right track? Of course. I love you.”

“So blind,” he said, leaning forward and capturing your lips. Against them he whispered: “I love you.”


End file.
